what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
