Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize