OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
