I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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