I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
