He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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