There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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