Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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