you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
