he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
