I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
