im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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