i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
