it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
