I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
