I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
