Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
