Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
