He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
