I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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