bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
