was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
why is half of my head shaved?
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