In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
