found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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