I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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