Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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