she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
