one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
