I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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