i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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