it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
