my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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