I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
