this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
