Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
