Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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