On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
