ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
