U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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