I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
