Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
