you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
