Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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