I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
