Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
