GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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