I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
