seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
