Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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