Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
