You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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