Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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