am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
