Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
