I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
