Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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