apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
