Tell her she can't have a vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
