I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
