who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
