I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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