you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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