Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
