I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
