we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
