Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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