True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
