Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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