Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
