I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
