You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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