I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
