You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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