Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
