You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
