my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
