I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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