i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
